Many people are still asking me: What exactly was your illness? Well, I will try to answer that question, as I want to leave it behind and move on.
It was a combination of things, all happening at the same time and compounding a state of imbalance in my body.
Firstly, my blood was dangerously thick, and had a tendency to clot inside my veins. I was in the outhouse, when I realized that, although I was physically breathing, little or no oxygen was actually entering my system. I started to suffocate and feared I wouldn’t have enough energy to get back to the house. It was very scary. I went to the ER (luckily it was a downhill walk to where the car was parked) and, after some tests, I was diagnosed with P.E. (pulmonary embolism), which in layman’s terms means blood clots in the lungs. At the ER the doctor gave me some pills and some injections to apply myself, and sent me home with vague instructions to contact my doctor.
What I found out afterwards was that I needed careful testing and monitoring to get my blood to a new level of thinness, but at that time I had no idea. A month later, I got a bad pain in the calf of my right leg, just below the knee. My intuition told me I should be worried and that it was somehow connected to my lungs. I phoned my Health Center and a nurse told me to go to the ER. This I did, and they diagnosed a blood clot in my lower leg. They started to sit up and take notice, and sent me home again with the same pills and the same injections. This time I did get in contact with my doctor and we started to talk about some long-term treatment. My doctor told me that over 50% of people with P.E. die within a few hours of the first symptoms, from suffocation. My angels were working hard…
At this time my general health was deteriorating. I felt weaker and weaker, and I didn’t know what was wrong. I stayed some days in a friends’ apartment in town, as I couldn’t walk up to the house in Worcester. It got so bad that I could barely stand, and my body started shaking like a leaf. I was scared, because I realized I had got to the end. I have always relied on my strong body to see me through, but now I knew I had nothing else. I was running on empty. I contemplated death, as I could feel it close in.
Finally another friend told me I needed to go to the ER again. On admittance they bundled me into an ambulance and drove me to Fletcher Allen Hospital in Burlington. They diagnosed total kidney failure, inserted a catheter into my jugular and gave me dialysis. That was an experience and a half! Never again…
Still, they pulled me out of the health hole I had fallen into and for that I am very grateful. It is the fashion amongst alternative folks to criticize and rail against allopathic medicine, and I will never do that again. They saved my life and although they have their strange protocols, I have been given another chance to complete what I came here for. Sure, alternative medicine has its place in our lives, but so do the doctors and nurses of modern medicine.
I had many adventures in hospital, both positive and negative, like the night I lost 2 liters of blood, waking up to find it all over my bed, pillows, floor and bathroom… I’ve never seen so much blood in my life! As my health improved, I would wander around the floor ready to talk with people, especially the sad and worried-looking ones, and try to make them smile, or even laugh. The hospital staff was awesome, caring and willing to play when confronted by my buffoonery.
I’m back at home now and recovering. I glimpsed places and experienced things I don’t want to repeat, until it is truly my time. These experiences were very sobering, and enough to compel me to make changes in my life. I lost 30 pounds in weight over the last three months, and I plan to continue that trend. I will go for a walk every day of my life if at all possible, and will take much better care of my body from now on. Last night I had possibly the best dance of my life (I lead ecstatic dance classes in Central Vermont) and I celebrate a new start.
My community, both in the USA and the UK, has been awesome, sending me huge waves of love, healing and prayer, making a huge difference. I feel part of a huge collective organism of openhearted, evolved people who are making a real difference in the world. I am honored to be an active part of this community, giving what I can to make it work. I am treating this last health episode as the springboard that is sending me into a reality of caring for myself, good health and empowerment. And life goes on…
